"Then I'm Not Playing"

Otherwise titled "Random Saturday Morning Thoughts".
I've always hated that phrase, "then I'm not playing with you anymore", until this morning. Listening to Anna and Luke play Luke threw it out there, and immediately my skin started crawling, then Anna said okay we can do it this way which was a combination of both their ideas. I realized at that moment that phrase isn't so bad we need to learn compromise and that is what they are doing. Even as adults in negotiations we throw it out there, then I'm done...sometimes it means walking away other times the other party will bend. My Saturday morning lesson was more than I bargained for today. Not to say that when I hear that phrase later this week my skin won't crawl again, but I hopefully will be less likely to interfere than I was yesterday.
This phrase also made me think of more...a lot of thoughts happen when you leave the tv off. There have been several times this week where I wanted to say "then I don't want to play anymore". Sick kids, dirty floors...just an hour after I scrubbed them for the second time, someone let the dogs in and paw prints were everywhere, kids that aren't sleeping, packing, organizing, planning...all of this I don't always want to do, I don't want to play anymore. But its life and we don't always have an option, once the ball starts rolling we just have to keep playing and praying through it. Then in moments of weakness when I've had it, God says wait your life is easy. I ran into two friends in town yesterday that shared the game of life they were playing one has a truly sick child and another lost a parent and her life got turned upside down. The things that drop you to your knees and cry out to God. So in this game of life that I don't always want to play anymore I'm now on my knees crying out to God for this sweet little girl to not to endure too much pain on her path to healing, and for this other family to adjust to their life and let the turmoil pass. I don't understand God's ways but I know without Him I really wouldn't want to play so while I felt like sitting yesterday out in the end I just knelt down to pray.

Baby Steps

I forgot what an appropriate term, baby steps is. Owen has started taking baby steps. He has been standing up in the middle of the room for a couple weeks, but a few days ago he decided to take a few steps. He is more apt to do it when he has something in his hands, but he will also go from the table to the couch or one stool to the other. He won't go from person to person. If you try to encourage him to walk, he sits down every time, but if you aren't paying attention or if you hand him something while he is standing off he goes. I finally caught a little of it on video. I'm so happy he took his first steps before Ben left, however I probably won't be happy that he's running by ten months, I'm never going to get anything accomplished now.

A Valiant Effort

Aren't these kids gorgeous.
I may be a little biased, but I think so.
I wanted to get a group photo before Beau head's out with Ben.
So I dressed them and posed them, and it turned out so great, all smiles.
Oh wait...one is missing.

This was the result of adding that one.
He would not, did not, could not cooperate.
No cookie, no toy, no tricks would work.
So we will have to try again tomorrow.
Why tomorrow because first I have to wash Beau's jeans.
He spilled dinner on them, and he only has one pair without holes.
I will remedy that soon I hope but try finding jeans for a toothpick, it is difficult.
Go back to the first picture...aren't they adorable.

Saturday At Our House

Owen playing in his favorite cupboard.

Trying to use daddy's drill.

It's finally warm enough to sit in the grass.

Luke is happy to be outside.

Little boys with big toys.
Beau finally gets to use his .22 he got for Christmas.

He and a friend obliterated a pink bunny, they called it Bugs Bunny's wife.
9 year old boys are strange.
They followed all the safety rules and had fun at the same time.

Luke wanted to hold Owen for a picture.
I think everyone was happy to get outside for a little while.
It's supposed to get cold again this week with snow and rain so we enjoyed it while we could.

Anna was at a girlfriends. She had a fabulous time and really didn't want to come home when I picked her up. She was happy to see Owen when she got here though.

A Book Review of Sorts

I took the kids to the library yesterday. Something we do fairly regularly. We sometimes just go get books and get out and other times like yesterday we take advantage of the huge bean bags and sit and read. Yesterday we were there for at least an hour. Owen was able to empty several shelves in that time. One of the books we read was Our Tree Named Steve. Anna really likes the illustrator of this book so that is what drew her eye to it.

This book had a very unexpected effect on me. Floods of memories of each place we have lived came to me as I read this book about a family and their tree. Then I lost it, my voice was cracking, the tears were flowing, the nose was running, and Anna was staring at me like I'd gone crazy. She couldn't for the life of her understand what was so sad about this book. While the book in itself is sad to me given other circumstances in life I probably wouldn't have cried. Beau read the book when we'd finished because he wondered what was so sad and he too thought I was nuts. He said, "that was not worth crying about mom."
However for me, there has been a tree of sorts in every place we have lived, as we get ready to move again, I thought of all those trees I left behind and more specifically what I'm leaving behind here. Those things in each place I've called home that are always there, that I drive past daily or look out my house windows or played with my kids on or around.
Here there is so much that is that "tree" because this is where our family really solidified. Where we could count on dad walking in the door at 5, where I knew most of the teachers and staffs names, where church was home. This house we built from the ground up. We were told by some that Ben and I couldn't survive getting out of the army and building a house in the same year, but not only did we survive we became stronger, we fell more in love. We learned to parent as a unit rather than individually with him coming and going all the time. We grew to appreciate eachother's strengths and weaknesses and step up for the others shortcomings. Our family is solid. We planted our own trees, several died...two poplars are growing great out back, and one maple I'm pretty sure is dead (Ben said I was crazy planting it, but I did anyway). I will miss watching these trees grow to provide the shade we had dreamed of. The swing set that has seen hours of kids fun and imagination, that blew over in a huge windstorm, so now is concreted into the ground. The rocks that I moved one by one from where the house now is over to where we created a fire pit where we have spent hours watching the flames and the stars and the kids poke sticks in or roast marshmallows. I will miss our life here and while we can always come visit it will never be the same. So while we don't have a tree named Steve, I have my own things that have come to mean home and comfort and stability and most importantly LOVE, that is what has grown here by leaps and bounds. Ben has left many times in the past but this time is so much harder for me, while I can't wait for what the future holds and I know that Atlanta is the place where we are meant to be going, I am mourning saying goodbye to the things and I haven't even mentioned the friends and community we have here. The journey our life has taken us has covered many places but I wouldn't change any of it and I look forward to the life Ben and I and the kids have before us even if it means shedding a few tears in the library on the way there.

Shuffling Feet

Owen has great balance, he stands up in the middle of the room all day long, but he doesn't want to take steps. He will stand there and wait for you to come get him, or if you take to long he'll just squat back down and crawl closer to you. He learned to drink from a straw cup today...I didn't know he could drink from it so I thought he was just playing with Luke's cup until I saw how wet his shirt was getting, that's when I got him his own cup. I didn't want him to get too much straight apple juice. This is the mess he made.

Then he stood up and Luke came and handed him his cup. Once he had his cup he started taking some mini steps, I snapped some pictures but you can't really tell he was moving forward much. So I quick switched the camera to video and yeah he stopped moving his feet and sat down. I wouldn't want him to cooperate.

Trouble with a Capital "T"

We couldn't have chosen a more fitting name for this child. He is a little Benjie, always up to something. Ben took these, he was trying to get pictures of him playing in the ash, wiping it this way and that, but he was too slow. He only got the aftermath of what was on his face and him all proud of himself for making such a mess. I think I should retire this outfit, it seems whenever he is wearing it he gets into all sorts of trouble. He wore it the other day to church and wouldn't sit still for a minute. He crawled all over the church hall in it during donuts and by the end of the day it was thoroughly thrashed, I had to wash it twice.