Empty Shoes

Whether we have them 4 days or 400 days

something is always left behind.

Yesterday it was these shoes hidden under my bed.

And it broke my heart open...again.

"Your broken heart always splits God's heart in two. You never cry alone." -Ann Voskamp

Left behind are the memories,

the pictures, the sounds, the stories,

but what isn't left behind are the children.

They are loved!!! Abundantly!!!

We miss them immensely!

They will never be forgotten and will always be cherished in our hearts!

My heart has grown over and over again to accept another child.

To love another child.

To raise another child for as long as I get to be their mom.

To teach the child as much as I can to help prepare them to go home.

These children are not mine but God's, He places them with me in the moment to live in the moment, to love in the moment.

The empty shoes carry hope.

Hope of a future that only God knows, a future redeemed.

God redeems, He heals, He loves, He forgives.

The broken parent that couldn't handle the now and had to let go to get well, were made whole.

The reunification that we've prayed for but been scared for is all in God's hands in God's time for God's good.

I've learned to love humanity in all forms because God does. 

I love the other foster families that walk this journey with us.

I love the kinship that steps in when they reunify.

I love the adopted parent that's been waiting for this child to love.

I love the bio parent that's heart aches to hold their child again.

 I love the bio parent that fails again and again to not use a crutch to get through the day and their reunification is delayed.

I love the bio parent that loses their rights because parenting isn't their future.

But I have to choose to love them over and over again because I see the hurt children and I can't understand the choices they've made.

But God,

He calls us to forgive over and over again in Matt. 18:22

I can't do it alone but through God I can.

We are called to foster.

The definition of foster is to encourage or promote the development of...

We don't foster alone, God walks along us on this journey.

So when I see the empty shoes, my emotions spill over as I ache to hold the little one that still holds my heart, but I'm secure in the knowledge that God is holding them where they are.

People say they could never foster because it hurts too much, but I would be missing out on so much love if I were afraid of the pain.

Romans 8:15 "For you did not receive a spirit of fear, but you received a spirit of adoption, through which we cry "Abba, Father.""

Let me always cry out to my Father who allows us the spirit to foster.