Hope and faith will get you through it, steadfastness in belief will carry you; tears, screams, dropping to my knees in surrender were my resources when life got difficult this year. We move, we change, we grow, we fail, we make mistakes and yet there is always hope when you believe in Christ. I could list all the things that went wrong this year, but in the end everything went right, not that I would choose to walk through those trials and tribulations again, but walking through them brought us to where we are.
There was a moment, standing in the middle of an empty church...at least to my eyes it was empty, I was depleted, I was feeling alone even though mom and all the kids were in the car in the parking lot, and I didn't feel hopeful. Then as I was feeling self-pity standing in the middle of the church, I looked toward the altar. It wasn't the crucifix that caught my attention, but it was the tabernacle. Even as I stood in the "empty" church I was not alone and His presence was more than enough to fill me. I can't say I walked out healed and hopeful or that I didn't get in the car and be short tempered and a cry baby. But it was a moment that settled inside of me, that I took hold of and started to build upon. It created a spot of peace where the hope could take hold and overcome the fear, the uncertainty that swirled in our life.
Everyone can have hope, but for some it is easier to sustain it. For me hope was visible in a mom and dad who opened a door and took away so much of the strain. I didn't have to maintain a house and raise and discipline four kids alone for months because they were there with me. When I woke up ten times a night with a baby that didn't (doesn't) sleep, I could pass him off and get an hour of sleep. When I needed to run an errand I didn't have to take four kids with me, and when I needed to fulfill some hard tasks without a driver's license (so I couldn't drive) they drove me. It was more than driving me, it was being there for me crying with me, laughing with me and sometimes at me, and enjoying every minute we were able to spend together in a life that I live so far from the family I grew up with.
The greatest thing about that family though is that although we are so far apart in physicality, in spirit we are right there. We are eachothers prayers, thoughts, dreams, and hopes. We all went through our own personal trials and triumphs and we are all still going through them and we will be for the rest of our lives (something I've learned as an adult, it doesn't get easier, but there are those moments big and small that make it all worth it.) But we were with eachother in spirit and for one glorious week this summer, it is never perfect but it is family and I am ever so thankful to have all of my family. Hold onto hope, in the coming trials and triumphs and we will all be happier for it.
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. Psalm 25:21
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him
P.S. Merry Christmas Mom, I love you!!!