Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Beau

Beau is halfway to 18, and today I am so glad he is only halfway there. I am glad I have 9 more years of him under my roof. His smile lights up my day. His sarcasm almost always makes me laugh. His quick wit baffles me. His intelligence bewilders me. He is one of a kind.
Beau showed me this week just how strong, determined, and loving he has become.
Beau's last day in school was yesterday. He wrote thank yous to much of the staff and gave them a flower (well the guys got candy). The music teacher was so touched she said in her 20+ years no one leaving has ever given her a note and that she would treasure it forever. Several of the adults cried as they hugged him. To know my son has touched hearts so deeply is something I will hold tight in this mommy's heart. He wasn't just another face at the school, he was known. As we walked down the hall toward the door, he said, "Mom, we need to hurry I think I'm going to lose it." He cried on the way home, I love that he shows his emotions.
Every night he asks me to lay with him, and we talk about life, the world (literally last week we discussed the strife in Libya and the tragedy in Japan). He cares about his surroundings. We regularly discuss what he's going to be when he grows up. Tonight I miss him but I know while it was a horribly difficult decision to send him to spend a month with his grandparents it was what was best for him. Beau stresses beyond belief, no matter how much we try to keep him from worrying he hears or he just knows. I couldn't make him sit and wait and watch not knowing what was going to happen tomorrow. And he wanted to go with his dad...from the beginning he wanted to move with Ben. For Beau to be that connected to his dad after years of Ben coming and going is awesome and I want to encourage that. Ben is an amazing father, he loves his family above and beyond what I hoped for in a husband. I was delivering girl scout cookies with Anna and an elderly lady just had to tell me how much she thought the world of Ben that she loved to watch him in church with his kids that there are few dads out there that show that much genuine love and affection for their kids and that she felt privileged to have known us. I was humbled and thankful that God gave me Ben to love my kids and me so aptly that others are blown away by it. So Beau went with Ben, and I miss them both so much tonight. But the smiles in these pictures show how ready Beau was, he knew what he wanted. We talked about this adventure and how lucky he was to have the opportunity to do this. He struggled saying goodbye yesterday but today he was ready. He's hugged me tighter all week, he's sat on my lap at random moments, we've talked every night. I know sending him was the best for him even if it is hard. God has given me more peace about this decision than I deserve. I've shed a few tears today, but my heart is happy. Tonight my boys are at a hotel, it has a waterpark...they are living it up. Pizza for dinner, a little tv, and then back on the road tomorrow. Beau is one amazing kid, I'm so thankful he's mine and Ben's, he will forever challenge us but in being his mom I am becoming a better person. I love you Beau.
He's a great big brother too...Anna, Luke, and Owen miss him tonight too. Luke keeps asking me where they are and we are looking at a map as they go. Anna said goodbye to Beau when they dropped her at school so I didn't get their picture but here's an old one for fun.

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