Saturday, November 8, 2008

I'm Listening

Do you ever feel like every thing that does or doesn't happen is God trying to teach you a lesson. I have been feeling it profoundly lately, and at times I want to scream "okay I get it already" but other times I have an ahhh moment.
Tonight was one of those times, I've been completely frustrated with Ben and all his recent mishaps. Even though I realize most of them are silly mistakes or accidents that are unavoidable they have still been frustrating financially and stressful with every thing going on trying to build a house. So there have been moments lately that I just want to go crazy with him. And then driving home tonight I had an aha moment where I realized it could happen to me too and maybe I need to be more thankful that more hasn't happened to me along this crazy journey we've been on.
Tonight on the way home from the property it was 11 pm and the boys were almost asleep in the car I was going 60mph (the speed limit) and I didn't have my brights on (whoops) I was thinking about everything i did get done and everything I didn't get done when there are three deer on the road in front of me, I knew there was no way I could stop I did slow down a little and they were all just evenly spaced apart that I could thread the needle through them. It was almost too easy like I was just being guided right on around, now why can't it be that easy for Ben. I know I didn't do anything right I was going too fast, not paying attention, and I didn't have my brights on yet I went right through.
So yes thankyou God, I hear you, I will try to be more patient and maybe pray for him more that these mishaps come to an end and we get the house built and find comfort in our new home. I will try to let go of my anger and worry about finances and worry about today and not tomorrow.
These little lessons have been happening to me all week even as I typed this after 11 at night Anna is just getting in bed and she yells down. I hadn't gone up the stairs to give her a hug and kiss. I had kissed her goodnight down here and told her I loved her, but that wasn't enough. I was typing didn't she know it was my blog time I wanted to go up and give her an ear full about just getting in bed and going to sleep I'd already kissed her, but I realized she won't ask to be tucked in forever and some day I am going to miss it, so I kissed her I hugged her, and I rolled my eyes that she had the dog curled up in bed next to her, the stinky dog that really needs a bath. I was just about to tell him to go to his kennel but before I could she says, "mom I love when Zip cuddles with me." Okay so cuddle go to sleep enjoy these moments of childhood.
I could go on and on tonight about these little lessons that my attention is drawn into the tinier details into the things that matter, but it is late and I have so much to contemplate and I am tired.
Also three pieces of tile fell off the wall and broke and another five pieces just came off, in the entry way of the shower. SO my was complete tile job is now not complete and I have no idea what lesson I am supposed to be learning from this.
Anyone got a suggestion on an entryway that isn't tile?
Good night, God Bless.

No comments: